The Unitarian Universalist Congregation of the Palisades	UUCP P.O. Box 709 Englewood, NJ 07631 Phone: 201-568-5540

What is God? Is it a force? Does it have a sex? Does it speak? Does it listen? Does it even exist? I have been pondering these questions throughout my life. One of the most vivid memories I have when I first began to consider that there may be more to life than the physical world in which I lived, occurred when I was four years old. At the time, I lived with my parents in a one-bedroom garden apartment in Fort Lee. I had the bedroom, and my parents slept in a foldout couch in the living room. In my room hanging off of the ceiling light fixture, hung a beautiful Chinese glass wind chime. I used to love to be picked up so I could touch the chime and hear the delicate sound that occurred when the small glass rectangles painted with Chinese lettering hung by string rung out as they hit against each other. Being only four, I was not tall enough to reach the chime myself. One morning, as I awoke at dawn and stared at the chime, I wished with all my might that I could reach it to make it ring. As my eyes fixated on the chime hanging from the light fixture, magically I began to float up to the ceiling. Looking down, I saw myself still lying flat on my bed looking up, however, here I was only inches from touching the string of the chime on the ceiling. How could this be? What was going on? I rationalized to myself that this was just a part of growing up that adults forgot to tell me about. Nevertheless, as I touched the chime and heard the tinkling glass and saw myself below, I got very scared. Instantaneously, I felt myself being pulled back to myself lying on the bed. Jumping up, I ran to my parent’s bed, calling “Mommy, daddy, I just flew to the ceiling.” Although the sun was still barely up, my mother listened patiently to the story I had to tell. She didn’t ridicule or make light of what I had to say. Did I really fly to the ceiling? Who knows? Years later, I read a book about paranormal events, which talked about astro (or astral) projection. Now there are dozens of websites and groups on the Internet that talk about this phenomenon. Apparently there are thousands of others who have also experienced similar out-of-body experiences. The importance of this experience to me was that this became a defining moment for the spiritual beliefs I continued to have the rest of my life. From that moment on, I believed that life was more than the three-dimensional world we see, hear, smell and move through every day… that there is more to life than the here and now. Do I believe in God? No. Do I believe there is a life force greater than anyone of us? Yes. Do I believe in good and bad – absolutely.. Do I know the difference between right and wrong? Of course – Even without God I am an ethical person after all. Growing up in a home that did not believe in God also shaped who I am and what I do and don’t believe. My father is an atheist who was born to Jewish immigrants in New York City. My mother is an agnostic who was brought up Greek Orthodox. I was raised to believe that religion was the source of most of the world’s pain, bigotry, and hatred. My father made me feel that religious people were ignorant sheep, not facing the obvious facts of the universe that science could prove. Until I was 8 years old, I was an only child. More than anything I wished I had other brothers and sisters. What I really wanted was a big brother. When my mother explained to me that wasn’t possible, I turned to the only other solution, which was wishing for a baby brother. You know the poem, Star light star bright, first star I see tonight, wish I may, wish I might have this wish I wish tonight. Well, I remember standing outside in front of our apartment building staring at the stars overhead in the night sky. I’d say the poem and then scream at the top of my lungs, “I wished for a baby brother!” I felt that there was someone, something out there hearing my pleas to not be the only child in my family. To me, that was a form of praying to God. Sure enough, that wish was finally granted and I got my baby brother. Funny thing about wishes, now that we’re both adults, my brother, who is much taller and grayer than I, could pass as my “big brother.” Although I never believed in “god” I have always believed in prayer. I secretly held onto the thought that if you wish hard enough for something to come, the force of your hope goes into the atmosphere and sometimes if you’re lucky enough, or positive enough, your wish will be granted. Lately, I’ve been feeling like my prayers will never be answered. It makes me feel lonely to recognize the fact that there is really is no one or nothing but me that can make my wishes come true. To feed her own sense of spirituality, when I was a girl, my mother would take me to Greek Church on Easter and special occasions. I remember asking to go because I loved the stain glass icons, the smell of incense and listening to the incomprehensible chanting of the Greek priest. On the few occasions that I was brought to the front, to take communion with my grandmother or aunt, I remember the taste of stale bread and sweet wine that the priest would place in my mouth as I kneeled at the alter. It made me feel special. My father’s idea of Sunday was going to the great chapel of art on Fifth Avenue and 81st Street – the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Most Sundays were spent in the city going to museums, galleries, or auction houses. Although my father prayed at the alter of Michaelangelo, DeVinci, El Greco, Piero dello Francesca, and Rembrandt, he also admired the work of Pablo Picasso and Giorgio de Chirico. For him, art was as spiritual as it was necessary. Art was the glass through which history could be seen and the cultures throughout time evaluated. I continued this tradition with my own children. The first time my son, Lee heard of Jesus was when he was about three or four and we were walking through the medieval section of the Met. Pointing to the 16th century paintings of Jesus on the cross in the room of armor, I remember him asking me, “Why does that man look so sad and why does he have nails in his hands?” Lee inherited his father and grandfather’s cynicism when it came to religion. Standing in the school playground, amongst a crowd of kids his age all talking about God, Lee let them all know, that he did not believe in God, he believed in science. And they all moved to the other side of the playground… Standing up for secularism is a challenge in this society even today. Lee was tortured for years afterward for being “satanic”. As an insult kids would call him “a Jew” and all sorts of other things, because they saw him as someone who didn’t fit in the crowd. When Lauren was asked in school recently what she was and she said Unitarian, again the misconceptions that she experienced were astounding. Unfortunately, this world still pre-judges people based upon their perceptions of what another believes. Not only do religious institutions insinuate to their followers that “they are the special ones,” the righteous ones, the only true believers, but that everyone else are basically infidels or not worthy of God. How can people live by scriptures written over two thousand years ago and then rewritten and reinterpreted by men who did not even know Jesus? And what of the hidden political agenda of the Church that only allowed the writings of certain disciples to remain? It is the Seven Principles of Unitarian Universalism that made me, an agnostic feel that I had found a spiritual home. If we were all to believe in: The inherent worth and dignity of every person Justice, equity and compassion in human relations Acceptance of one another and encouragement of one another to spiritual growth A free and responsible search for truth and meaning The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process The goal of world community with peace, liberty and justice for all Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part …then, I believe we would live in a saner, less violent, and more equitable world. I never wanted to join a religious organization until I came to t.his congregation. For me, the freedom to say that I don’t believe in a God made the difference in staying or leaving. It gave my family and me the comfort to know that we would be accepted for who we are. And who are we? We are caring, kind, intelligent, and loving people. We believe that our time on this planet should not be lived for or be judged by some God in an afterlife, but by what we do for each other and the world every day while we are here on Earth. ©2004 Pictures In Motion All Rights Reserved

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